Ibiza CC v Incogniti Cricket Club Incogniti CC on Sun 07 Apr 2019 at Midday
Incogniti Cricket Club Won by about 100 runs

Match report Incogniti mini our to Ibiza: First match went to the last ball with Incogs needing 4 to win 3 to tie, and got 2 for a narrow loss (chasing 186). Immy 5 for plus 18 from 3 balls. Phil 60 odd with remaining runs shared about, Usual shenanigans overnight. Day 2 Seb Eyre big hundred with great support from Perry Pearce in particular. Kapz skippered fantastically and they want us back. Thanks to Rafi Hussein for support and Christopher Dean for umpiring and all for a great tour. Ben.
Rafi was tour reporter as well as supporter. Here is his fine report:

IBIZA 2019

Herewith a report of sorts of the Incog tour to Ibiza over 5,6,7 April 2019.
This was the first sporting tour I had joined where I wasn't playing and so I wanted to do something to justify my presence. I have to say at this point that, although I had played a lot of fairly decent cricket, the players on this tour really impressed me with their technical, historical and even philosophical views on the game. Having not played cricket at school (it was athletics for me) I had no coaching and my bowling technique was loosely based on watching (the real) Imran Khan and and then Botham doing their things. So listening to my fellow tourists dissecting technique tactics and the nuances of batting and bowling on artificial soccer pitches and other surfaces was quite illuminating. But the essence of touring was still at the forefront, plenty of friendly abuse to team mates, a court for the miscreants and a thorough disregard for staying sober and and going to bed early and still managing creditable performances in the game the next day.
Of course, 'what goes on tour, stays on tour' and I will send this only to the tourists. Whether you choose to share it with others is your choice.
The pen pictures I requested before the tour were few and predictably modest – particularly that of Young Ben (YB). Not So Young Ben's (NSYB) was, if nothing else, long.
The description of Imran Khan (the Incog not the real Imran Khan) – hereinafter referred to as Immy - was written by a team mate and was not flattering. Since he seems to figure quite prominently throughout the report, I won't expand on that here.
The tour party met in Wetherspoons at Gatwick North. Probably the most expensive Wetherspoons in existence.
On to Ibiza and it was proper tour behaviour on arrival at the hotel where the beers were ordered before checking in. I believe a kebab house was discovered for a late night snack – a venue that was to become a tour talking point in the not too distant future.
Everyone enjoyed a very good breakfast the next morning and Mickey – el jefe of the hotel – was an excellent host. I'm fairly sure only Kaps and Chris made breakfast the next day. Mention should be made at this stage of the venerable Christopher Dean, umpire and global cricket tourist who officiated wisely and participated even more wisely in the tour.
We made our way to the ground. It was an artificial soccer pitch and the wicket was marked out with tape in the centre of the pitch. We feared the tape would last about one over but it lasted the whole game.
I should say at this point that my cricket reporting will not be as comprehensive as, say, a Neville Cardus or E W Swanton. Who they? ask the younger element. After listening to the players deconstruct the games afterwards, I realised I should use the broader brush for my reporting.
Incogs began the game with 9 players as Imran and Naveed didn't turn up until an hour into the game. Immy asked me not to report his late arrival or the fact that he left the baby buggy behind so I won't. YB was perpetual motion in the field, Ibiza's umpire was perpetual chatter and I was perpetually cold.
The opening game was won by the Ibiza X1 and it went to the wire. The Islanders scored 181 and Incogs almost got there with a final score of 180. Notable performances included the Balearicans' fearless fielding, Immy's bowling, Kenny G's batting for Ibiza.
Post match in the bar, we enjoyed a few beers and Seb enjoyed quite a few Buenos as well.
Back at the hotel, we had a very good dinner before setting off into the night to explore the Ibiza 'scene'. Our destination was Paradise Lost, a bar where Jimbo, one of the Ibiza cricketers worked. It turned out to be a quirky, friendly bar frequented by locals (expat locals of the Ibiza type, not Fuengarola) and a good time was had by all. Your reporter stuck to red wine which was evident from the state of the polo shirt in the morning. The polo shirt stayed in Ibiza. There was fun and games with Australians apparently at the bar and in subsequent establishments. From what I could gather the next day, many of the party poked their noses into several of the famed Ibiza clubs later on but decided it was not their 'scene'. Of course the young guns, Seb and YB found the clubs exactly to their liking – for the second night running.
I believe many tourists made it back to the hotel around 0600. An incident at the kebab house – principally involving 'Spanish' Steve ( a reference to his linguistic skills) – evolved into mild violence or didn't according to the version of events you choose to believe. Given the hour, the amount of booze consumed and unreliable memories, it's no surprise there are differing versions. Everyone made it home though.
And so to the ground for another game of cricket.
Ibiza chose to field and must have thought they were en route to another W when the jaded Incogs were 57 for 5 (or thereabouts) Then did young Seb make his way to the middle. Carnage ensued and the Balearican bowlers became used to watching the ball soar into the sky and over the boundary. Statistic – Seb hit 14 sixes. I found myself making regular trips out on to the road and into the nearby woods looking for cricket balls. Incogs posted a respectable 251 from their 35 overs. Someone, I'm told it was Seb himself, described him as a fat Noel Gallagher. I doubt the belligerent Mancunian has ever set foot on cricket pitch.
An essential element of cricket is the teas. Ibiza provided wonderfully fresh baguettes stuffed with a variety of fillings. Well received by all. Even Immy's children were allowed to have a short time off from their studies to eat some tea.
Incogs took the field and the Islanders' batters set out to challenge the massive total accumulated by the tourists. YB opened the bowling looking far more sprightly than he deserved to be. NSYB looked exactly as he should after his night out and had already put in a plea to Kaps to be excused bowling.
Seb who clearly preferred batting to bowling today asked me if I would like to field at one stage – I think the skipper would have levied a humungous fine for that.
Incogs made inroads into the Ibiza batting and around the 8th over had 3 slips in place – another cricket fact.
Rather than go through the rest of the match which was won comfortably by the Incogniti Incognitis, here are some high and low lights:
• It was a much hotter day than Saturday
• Nav's fine catch at short mid off didn't need a replay in slomo – he provided that himself
• Kaps' throw from the long off boundary cleared our keeper Perry's head by 6 feet
• NSYB distinguished himself with a a run out following an unsuccessful dive at cover that made Nav's effort above look positively lightning fast.
• Phil bowled his usual full allotment of overs and softened them up for Immy to take the glory
• For his second hat trick ball of the tour, Immy had 4 slips but no hat trick.
• From the number of players giving advice etc, it was not hard to tell there were a number of teachers in the Incog side.

A leisurely wind down with a few beers in the sunshine saw the tourists pack up, clean up and sup up before setting off to dinner. Disappointingly, the Spanish restaurant we intended to go to was shut and we ended up having a burger at an American Diner.
No importa, a buena tour it was.

Incogniti Cricket Club Incogniti CC Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
2nb 6w 3b  
for 6 wickets
Kapilan Balasubramaniam b J Dudding 30
Imran Khan ct Makepeace b J Dudding 5
Naveed Saeed ct Amos b J Dudding 2
Naveed Malik lbw P Cruthwell 1
Seb Eyre Not Out  136
Ben Birtles ct Holmes b R Parmenter 7
Perry Pearce b P Slater 40
Guenther Stephen Starost Not Out  19
Ben Wakeford  
Phillip Arnould  
Jon Andrews  

Ibiza CC Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
J Duding6.0034311.335.67
P Crutwell5.0016116.003.20
J Parmenter7.005800.008.29
R Parmenter6.0030130.005.00
C Prentice 3.003400.0011.33
R slater5.0046146.009.20
M Amos3.003100.0010.33

Ibiza CC Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
3nb 3w 16b 4lb 
for 10 wickets
144 (30.0 overs)
S Gooda ct Kapz b Malik 20
A Holmes ct Pearce b Malik 1
C Prentice b Birtles 0
R Parmenter run out (Wakeford) 13
M Makepeace ct Saeed b Malik 9
K Johnston b Eyres 18
J Dudding b Khan 27
P Cruthwell b Khan 25
M Amos b Khan 0
J Parmenter b Khan 4
P Slater Not Out  1

Incogniti Cricket Club Incogniti CC Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Ben Birtles5.0018118.003.60
Naveed Malik7.031434.672.00
Phillip Arnould7.003400.004.86
Seb Eyre2.0012112.006.00
Kapilan Balasubramaniam5.002700.005.40
Imran Khan3.01641.502.00